December 2012 I asked you for a companion. It took you a while, but you did it. You brought someone into my life that makes me happy. Right now, our relationship is still at the friendship stage. The "getting to know you" stage. If it never moves past that point, and into something more meaningful, that's okay. I mean, I'd love it to, of course, but I'm alright with having a friend I can talk to. Who'll listen when I need to talk, and offer heart felt advice. Who isn't self centered or turns every topic into something about her.
Thank you, Santa. You've restored my faith in myself, and given me something bright to look forward to. You've managed to give me back my self esteem. And that is the greatest present I could ever ask for.
I know I haven't written to you in a while. It seems that once I moved out of my parents house, you lost track of me and haven't visited me since. But this year, I feel like I need to get this out.
I know at my age it's selfish of me to request something for myself for Christmas. I should be worrying about my kids. I should be making sure that they get what they ask for, and spend all my hard earned money on them. I mean, that's what parents do, right? Make sure their kids are taken care of, above the needs and desires of the parents themselves? And believe me, I'm doing my best in regards to that. So don't worry about them. They'll be fine.
So what's my point? Well, here goes. My wife and I split up. Since we've been apart, I'm slowly learning how to live without her. And believe me, living apart from someone suddenly after living with her for 15 years isn't easy. Every now and then, I have my low points. It gets lonely here. Even though I have our 14 year old son with me, there's really only so much video game conversation i can have before I start to lose my mind. I'm longing for some kind of adult conversation. Something that involves more than the topics of power ups and what gun does what damage to different alien species.
I find myself wishing I had someone to snuggle up with. Someone who'll be there when I get home from work that I can relax with, so I don't just come home, check facebook and go to bed. I need meaningful companionship.
Some nights I consider asking my estranged wife if she'd like to get back together just to fill this void in my heart. Then I remember the way she was. The reasons I left come flooding back and I get lonely and depressed all over again. Which leads me to this letter, Santa.
Please, if you can find it in your heart to do so, please bring someone into my life that will make me happy again. Someone who I can love, and will love me in return. Someone who will not cheat on me, or use my heart as a plaything, or abuse my loyalty, or crush my hopes and dreams just because she doesn't agree with them, or abuse my mentality. I realize that might be a lot to ask, Santa, but I'm asking anyway. That's why it's called a wish list, right?
I decided to delete my old EP profile and start anew. Figuring that I've started the next chapter in my life, and I'm leaving behind all the drama and heartaches from my last chapter.
You see, my wife and I are now separated, and live apart from each other, 25 miles away. In the 4 months that we've been apart, my life has gotten so much better. Aside from struggling to keep my 14 year old son fed (food stamps only pays 16 dollars a month because I make just enough money to qualify), things are going great. I traded my old car in for a new one, which I absolutely love, by the way. I'm not as stressed as I used to be. I no longer have to run every little idea past her before I can do anything, and I don't have to worry about which one of her personalities I'll be coming home to at night. Life is just more... relaxed now. I'm genuinely happier.
So I figured, why not just go ahead and delete everything that reminds me of my unhappy marriage, and start anew here, as well. So, here I am :)
My mood: very relaxed
Previous PostsDear Santa... Thank You, posted February 14th, 2014
Dear Santa, posted December 8th, 2012
Entry One, The Next Chapter, posted December 4th, 2012
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